Defects and Traitors
by Sideos
Summary: An insane Irken escapes from a maximum securaty ward under mysterious circumstances and heads for earth. OC but no Marysue, I made sure of that. Quite dark in some places, especially first chapter and last chapter.
1. The Demon is Unleashed

Defects and traitors.

Cut into your garden grass by Invader Sideos. Yep only a few days after finishing 'I am the Enemy' I'm already beginning another Fic. Woo I lead a strange existence. If you want a proper low down on my OC that's featured here you can check out my forum topic 'Your own little Irkin' This chapter is likely to be super short because it's basically an intro to my OC and the beginning of the Fic. If you don't understand what happens don't worry! All will be revealed!

I don't own Zim but I do own my OC. Don't even think of using him without my permission.

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Dr Feto walked down the pure white corridors, passing rooms and various checkpoints that lead to the maximum security wing. It was a very windy day on Skitzatos 7. The planet was once barren and bare of all life because of the cold polar winds, but since the Irkin Empire had arrived it was now occupied by a large complex designed to hold the insane defective Irkins that would sometimes appear in the ranks of the Empire.

It had become famous for the breakthroughs it had had in the curing of the insane. The complex was split up into three different parts, minimum, medium and maximum wings. Each one of those also had different sections for the different cases of insanity and mental illness that its patients suffered from. Dr Feto just happened to work in the worst one, the maximum security wing of the violently and psychotically insane. Very few Irkins had ever been cured in this place, in fact the Doctors often jokes about how you could count them on their claws. Dr Feto hated it, not the noise of the screams of the mad; no she hated the silence of it. The chambers were soundproofed but the doors were see-through. She glanced to the side as she walked past looking in on one patient sitting in the middle with his straight jacket on, his mouth wide open. She could tell that he would be screaming loudly like that for hours. She turned to look on the other side to see one where he was sitting huddled n the corner of the room rocking back and forth. _Why?_ She thought, _why do I have to check up on...him today?_ While she was beset on all sides on this corridor by the worst possible cases, she wasn't going to see them today. She was going to see the most heavily guarded inmate in the entire compound.

His straight jacket had been made especially for him to stop his claws from cutting thought the material. They had been electronically locked into place so he could never move them from his sides. She had heard stories about what this one had done and read reports about what had caused it. They had told her about the slaughter of Dilico. Now, the conquest of a planet would be bound to have casualties, that was expected of Invaders. But what this particular Invader had done was beyond rational thinking. Men, woman, children, even babies had all been killed, a population of 4 billon reduced to zero, by one being. She had heard rumours about what they had found in his base, hanging from the walls. In one interrogation, he had referred to them as 'decorations'. They say he had been found washing himself with the blood of the dead. When he had been told to stand down by the armada he had supposedly attacked the landing team, killing them all with his bare hands. They said a lot of things about him, which was why he had such heavy security. Despite all this though, the one thing she hated most about this inmate was his eyes. She could almost feel them staring at her through the great metal door as she passed the first finger scan, she walked past the six armed guards and onto the eye scan and the last door. It opened and there he was.

Sitting unnaturally still with his arms and hands attached to his sides by the straight jacket lock. It connected his hands to his sides with a long metal pipe that was connected to the wall. It allowed the patient to move slightly around the room, but during an interview it would contract into the wall only allowing the patient to move halfway round the room and stopping them from attacking the Doctors. On the back was an electronic lock that could only be opened by the most senior of Irkins. Not that anyone would ever want to release him. He was slightly above the average Irkin height and almost impossibly thin. This was because he refused to eat the food that they sent him, so most of his meals had to be given through vitamin injections and such. There were rumours also about what he used to eat, from the few autopsies they had given to the few bodies they had recovered on Dilico, and the hearts that had been missing from their insides. His dull green skin almost clung onto his thin frame and the antenna on his head lay straight down, reminding Dr Feto of a predator monitoring it's pray. But the thing she noticed the most were the dark purple eyes, eyes that spoke of a mind that had been shattered into glass, and that evil little grin that went with them. For a moment Dr Feto looked straight into those eyes, and flashes of horrific images ran through her thoughts. Children crying, fire falling from the sky, a horrific evil laugh, red blood running like a river across a black barren land. She shook her head breaking away from his eyes and the images vanished. Composing herself again, she gripped her electronic notepad and began the interview. Her voice was brave, almost casual but her insides were squirming at just being in the same room as this monster.

"Good morning Sideos, and how are we feeling today?" She managed a small, fixed, friendly smile.

"We are feeling good Dr Feto, very good indeed" She wanted more then anything to cringe at the casual, sinister way he had said that. His voice was so calm and collected, but it was laced with the almost proud knowledge of what he had done. Her hands were almost trembling but she reassured herself that she was perfectly safe. Even with no visible barrier between herself and Sideos he was held in place by the jacket lock. The most he could do was to spit on her, she took a deep breath and continued.

"That's good to hear, is it because of the visitor you had last week? You have been very well behaved since then." His smile grew more, showing the darkly stained teeth. Dr Feto could only imagine what they had been stained with.

"Yes, it's nice to have visitors. Even if it has only been one since I have been here." Sideos leaned forward a bit, slightly straining the lock that attached him to the wall "That visitor showed me that we can all have second chances." Despite the way he had said this Dr Feto was almost delighted, could this be it? Is he finally starting to recover? "In-fact today I'm going to get that second chance. I'm getting out of here" Dr Feto, despite the seriousness of his statement, almost laughed. No-one had ever escaped from Skitzatos 7. Ever. Her voice chuckled slightly.

"Oh and how are you going to do that?" Sideos leaned back again, his grin getting wider as he spoke, but his voice reminded sinisterly casual.

"Well, I'm going to kill you and take out your eye and take off your hand so I can bypass the security. Then I'm going to kill the guards, and move to the ship docking bay, killing anyone who gets in my way. Then I'm going to steal a ship and fly off the planet." Dr Feto was slightly unnerved by this statement, but still smiled in the knowledge that he couldn't move even more then an inch towards her.

"And how, if I may be so bold, are you going to do this without your hands?" She grinned widely. Suddenly she heard a loud click and the lock attached to Sideos's back fell to the floor with a dull thud. Sideos grinned back, and to her utter amazement, calmly raised his hands from his sides showing his deadly claws, and still in his incredibly casual tone said.

"Oh don't worry, that's been fixed." Dr Feto, still smiling, knew she was dead. And so she said the only thing that came to mind.

"I see."

"You have lovely pink eyes, you know." Then Sideos, in the space of a heart beat, ripped out her throat.

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Yup thats my OC in there, based upon myself,I'm so proud. Trivia note: I changed the Docter to woman because I thought it would make more of an impact if Sideos killed a defencless girl. Zim and Dib will make there enterence in the next chapter so don't fret. My editor Deyinel suggested that I should post this dispite the fact that I have not yet wrote the ending...A first for me I can tell you. That gives you lucky reviews the chance to influence the ending... I demand R&R if only to feed my ego. Next update on monday.


	2. Madder then Mad

Defects and traitors pt 2

Written in spray-paint on the front of your new car by Invader Sideos. Grrr warning! Warning! I don't know what this chapter is going to include! Grrr it's so annoying not knowing what you're going to write. Thanks to Sneere for the plot help. This is most likely going to take several days to write. I mean the whole chapter, the story will prob take a few weeks I dunno. My bro is being a Nazi and making me turn out all the lights and turn off all the music so he can sleep in his sick bed of sleep. I will fight back by drawing on his face once he sleeps. I refuse to succumb to my tiredness, but I know I will sometime tonight. Update, I finally slept at 3:30 am

I don't own Zim but I do own Sideos isn't that cool!

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"The bodies of the guards were found strewn along the hallways. The scene was described as 'demonistic' by the Imperial police force." Gir sat on the couch, quite still, watching the news. The TV flashed images of the blood covered halls and of the Irkin police examining the scenes. The one eyed news reader continued in his authoritative voice "The escaped mental patient, Sideos, has been described as extremely dangerous and should not be approached by anyone. If you do spot him," and a picture of Sideos appeared on the screen, "please contact the authorities immediately. Do not, I repeat DO NOT attempt to-"

"-This is boring" Gir switched the channel over to the scary monkey show, his face instantly lighted up with joy "YAY! Scary monkey!" Suddenly the door of the house swung open and a tired looking Zim walked in. The moment the door shut he threw his hair piece and contacts off and hopped onto the couch, collapsing on it and closing his eyes.

"Phew, another horrible earth day over, Gir." He opened an eye to look at his robotic assistant. "Anything on the news that I should know about?" Gir just grabbed his toes and let his eyes zoom on the monkey. Zim looked annoyed. "GIR! I said, anything on the news?" Gir looked to his master.

"Err...something about a taco baby...or was it a tomato monkey?" he laughed "I don't know!" Zim sighed and closed his eye. Whatever it was, he could wait. All he wanted to do right now was go and relax in the safety of his labs, maybe torture some poor soul for a bit. He was about to do just that, when suddenly the very house itself seemed to explode with alarms.

"WARNING! WARNING! OH MY MOTHERS HARDDRIVE! WARNING!" Zim fell off the couch in surprise. Red flashing lights popped up everywhere, even from Gir's head. He could hear the computer laughing as he picked himself off the floor rubbing his lower back.

"WHAT NOW!" He yelled at the top of his voice. "And get rid of the Alarms!" the lights went and Gir looked sad for a second as the one from his head went to, but he soon went back to the monkey. The computer was still chuckling at Zim as it told him the news.

"Irkin craft heading towards earth, one life form detected on board." Zim put one had to his chin and his non existent brow furrowed as he gave his order.

"Bring it on-screen."

"The MONKEY!" Gir screamed as the picture changed from the scary monkey show to a static screen which cleared to show a small voot runner rushing towards them. Zim kicked Gir out the way of the screen and looked at the ship.

"How long till it gets here?"

"Err about 15 minutes." Zim jumped up in shock. That was really, really soon!

"Where is it going to land?" The computer did a quick calculation and drew up a short map with a flashing X. Zim knew exactly where the X was over. His eyes narrowed in anger and his voice dripped with malice. "Dibs house."

Dib was running round his room in a mixture of panic and excitement. His computer had just informed him that something resembling a ship was heading for earth, more precisely into his back yard. He ran to his stairs and slid down them, landing with a big grin on his face. The sound of Gaz playing her gameslave caused him to turn his head.

"GAZ, GAZ! You won't believe this! An alien craft is heading for OUR back yard!" She didn't look up, but her voice showed that she was clearly annoyed.

"Go away, Dib. Last level, must complete." Dib knew better then to pester his sister on the last level of a game and so he ran outside and onto the roof looking up into the night sky. For a moment everything was still and quite. The night air stood still and the moment seemed to last much longer then usual. Dib thought about what was coming towards him. A new ally perhaps? Someone to help him fight Zim? And if it wasn't, then he could capture and expose it to show he wasn't crazy. _Whatever happens_, he thought to himself, _this has to be a good thing_. How he would come to regret those words.

A small red dot appeared in the sky, and Dib almost jumped off the roof in excitement. The dot grew larger, and was soon seen to be on fire. Dib suddenly realised that it wasn't slowing down. The ship hit the backyard with a massive bang that shook the house. The impact caused Dib to fall down and almost fall off the roof. Every car alarm in the street was set of at once, and Dib could see the many lights of the neighbours switching on. The ones opposite him looked out the window directly at Dib, scowling.

He smiled sheepishly and shouted "SORRY!" They grunted and went back in. He was quite used to the neighbours blaming him for every loud explosion or blackout that they suffered. Dib looked over the edge of the roof excitedly, but his grin and attitude plummeted as he saw the side insignia, a large Irkin face that he had seen inside Zim's base once or twice. An Irkin ship had just crashed into his back garden; did this mean that the armada that Zim constantly spoke of was here? Was he getting re-enforcements? Dib took no chances and rushed down, taking out his water pistol that he kept in his trench coat pocket. The ship was small and, Dib theorised, possibly only held one Irkin. Smoke was billowing out from around it and the cockpit was filled with it, so he couldn't see inside. Slowly he edged forward holding the water pistol out in front of him with two hands.

Suddenly the windshield shot off. Dib ducked just in time to stop it from hitting him in the face. It crashed into the side of the house shattering. The black smoke crawled out and momentarily swamped Dib. He quickly wafted it away, wanting to have a clear shot at the Irkin inside. Dib jumped as he heard something suddenly grip the front of the ship. It was an unusual claw, quite different from Zim's, they looked thin and sharp, almost like short razor blades. Dib could hear the Invader inside trying to crawl out and he raised his gun to eye level. He watched with a bold, determined look on his face as an impossibly thin Irkin face came into view, its eyes were shut tight and it coughed loudly in the smoke. Its head was bleeding slightly, but it didn't look too injured. However, despite the weak look of the Irkin, Dib still jumped and took a step back as it opened its eyes suddenly. The dark purple orbs looked directly at him with something Dib couldn't describe, hunger? He suddenly felt like something was very, very odd, the way the eyes danced with a strange joy, the way that its grin showed darkly stained zipper teeth. Dib knew that look from somewhere else, he had seen it in only one other being, Zim. But this was something different, it was more...unnerving. He swore it licked its lips as it spoke.

"I hit the right planet then." It then collapse forward onto the front of the ship unconscious. Dib stood a moment, not wanting to approach the spooky eyed Irkin, but after he was sure it wasn't going to wake up he lowered his gun and approached. The ship was incredibly wrecked; clearly it wasn't designed to enter atmospheres at such speeds. Whatever this Irkin was sent here for, he got here very quickly. Taking a good look at the strange Invader he saw that, clothing wise, he wasn't much different from Zim. The gloves seemed to be the only stand-outish thing on him. However, he was much taller then Zim, and much thinner too. In fact, Dib wondered exactly how such a thin being could actually have the energy to crawl out of a crashed ship. Dib stood back and thought._ Should I help it? It's Irkin so it's most probably on Zim's side. But if I do help it I might convince it to leave._ Dib looked back to the Irkin and suddenly a very good idea entered his mind accompanied by a very sly grin.

Dib walked around his unconscious prisoner. He had strapped him to an old experiment table making sure to put those dangerous looking hands out of the way of the rest of his body. He had been wondering why he was taking so long to recover. Every time he had seen Zim unconscious he had recovered in a matter of minutes, this guy was still out after an hour and a half. He was about to walk out of the room when he suddenly heard a loud groan. He spun round and saw the Irkin's head shake slowly. Dib stood looking at him from above his head; he didn't want to look into those eyes again.

"Hay space boy you have a nice nap?" Dib enjoyed having power over an enemy for once, but he faltered when he heard that cold, yet sinister voice.

"Yes...it was most enjoyable, human. We Irkins don't get to sleep much. In fact we don't sleep at all." Dib saw him open his eyes and try to move, but thankfully those straps held him in place. Dib felt better knowing that his prisoner couldn't get him.

"What's your name, Irkin? Who sent you here? Don't mess with me, I know all your weaknesses." Dib wanted to establish that he was in command here, but the way this Irkin talked made him want to run out the room and grab a baseball bat.

"My weaknesses? I take it you are the Dib-boy then, right? Let me free and I will tell you all about myself." Dib was shocked. Zim must have told this invader all about him. He wouldn't be surprised if Zim wasn't coming to rescue him right now. A slight fear was creeping into his mind but he pushed it down and tried to re-gain control of the situation.

"No way, if you don't tell me who you are I will put you into horrible pain" He heard the Irkin sigh sarcastically.

"Fine then little Dib-thing, I am Invader Sideos and I'm here on very...pacific business." Dib slowly walked over to the side of the table and levelled it upright so that it seemed that Sideos was standing up. He turned to face him, but Sideos was still looking straight forward at the wall. Dib took a deep breath readying himself to face the creepy Invader.

"Ok, how do you know my name? Did Zim send for you? Are you joining him on his mission?" Sideos smiled but still didn't look at Dib.

"Oh no, I'm not here to join Zim." Now his eyes shot to Dib, locking him in place. Dib was almost terrified at the joy that appeared in them as he spoke. "I'm here to kill him." Dib couldn't move. All he could do was look at those dark eyes. He could tell straight away that Sideos was clearly insane, but if he was here to kill Zim then he could be a potential ally. He shook himself clear of the stair and walked quickly behind the righted table. Glad to be away from those weird eyes.

"So if your here to kill Zim, why didn't you land near his house? And you still haven't explained how you know my name." he could almost see the mad Irkin smile from behind him.

"Oh I know a lot about you Dibly; you see the Irkin that hired me for the job warned me about you. Spoke very clearly about you and you're knowledge of our race. It seems Zim had collected a lot of information on you and spoke quite a lot of you." Dib felt a strange sense of pride, _Zim had reported on me personally?_ Sideos interrupted his thoughts "The landing was a mistake, I haven't piloted anything for quite some time." Dib felt brave enough to walk back round, but he still didn't look into those eyes.

"So, you're here to kill Zim and take his mission right?" Sideos answered like a nanny teaching a small child a mistake.

"No no no, I'm here to kill Zim and leave, the Tallest have no interest in earth, you're all completely safe, safe as a new born smeet on Irk."

Dib didn't like the way this was looking but if he assisted this 'Invader Sideos' then he could be rid of Zim and possibly the entire Irkin race forever. Dib screwed up his courage and once again looked into Sideos's eyes.

"If I help you, you promise to get rid of Zim and leave straight away?" Sideos leaned his head as forward as he could casting an incredibly unnerving shadow across his face.

"Sure Dibby-Wibby, whatever you want." Dib took a step back, his hand hovering over the strap release button, he saw Sideos clench his blade like fingers, and for a moment wondered if this was a good idea.

"You're insane, you know."

"I've heard so are you." Dib decided to always keep his water pistol on him from now on and closing his eyes and pressing the button. Sideos dropped to the floor without a sound and darted forward slamming a hand to the wall on the left side of Dibs head, He toward over him boring down on him with those dark unblinking eyes. Dib was now trapped and at the total mercy of Sideos's wrath. For a moment Dib truly believed that Sideos was going to kill him and then, slowly, Sideos held out his hand. That insane grin grew wider.

"Lets shake on it, shall we? I kill Zim and leave you alone." Dib trembled and slowly held out his own, Sideos reached forward and grasped it tightly.

"Done." he whispered chillingly, his eyes widening slightly as he spoke.

"Done." Dib whispered back, wishing he could melt into the wall. Sideos let go and stood right back again looking cheerful, and for a moment lost that sinister look to his eye.

"Okay! I'm going to see if you have anything to eat, I'm hungry." He licked his lips and bit his lip slightly as he strode out the room. Dib stood in shock for a moment, there was no doubt in his mind that Sideos was clearly out of his own. They had sent one madman to kill another. Dib felt something run down the side of his palm and turning to look he saw that three long, but not deep, cuts had appeared and were bleeding slightly. He assured himself that sometimes in order to save something; he had to make a few sacrifices, namely trusting a madman.

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Wow I finished this on x-mass day! Not like a week like I predicted! Sorrowfully I didn't get everything I wanted for x-mass but hay do you know where you can get super death rays? What do you think of ol'Sideos now? Next chapter he meets Gaz! And he goes to skool! P.S Sideos will keep giving Dib stupid name's through the Fic. It's funny and creepy!

And just who did send him? Hang tight my IZ comrades, all will be revealed!

Now a message from my Editor "PLEASE DO NOT KILL DIB!"

Thank you R&R your thoughts on my story, I like mail.


	3. Lets go to Skool

Defects and Traitors. Pt 3

Posted through your door by Invader Sideos. Wow, it feels like I haven't written anything in ages but I know that if I don't write soon the ideas for this chapter will fade away and be lost forever. Today (Boxing Day) was my 8 year old sister's b-day and she got one of those neo pet 'Scorpios' that talk to other neo pet things 'n' such. Now I know it seems weird but I am really, really scared of it. I mean she just took it out the box and I literally walked back away from it. I can't even be near it and when she puts it down somewhere I can feel it looking at me...I just can't even stand it. She walked over to me when I was in my kitchen with it to show it too me and I grabbed a fish knife and threatened to stab it if she didn't take it away. Even thinking about it makes me feel sick. I need to face it and stop myself from being scared of it, it's only a teddy after all...even if it does flash red and have spooky eyes. Do you guys think I'm going crazy?

I don't own Zim. But that don't stop me from writing Fics about him.

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Dib lay on his bed with his eyes shut tight. Last night he had had a horrible dream that an Irkin ship had landed in his back garden, and that a psychotic Invader called Sideos had come out of it saying he would kill Zim. Then, after they had shaken on it he had tried to eat Dib's food and almost killed himself. He had tried to drink water and almost killed himself. He had annoyed Gaz and almost killed himself. By the time Dib went to bed he was saying how he was going out for a bit because Irkins don't sleep. The dream had ended with him going to sleep and Sideos going outside, still hungry.

Outside he could here the birds singing and he felt the sunlight warm his face. He smiled and snuggled in tighter to the comfort of the bed. He didn't want to wake get up. He knew it was a school day, but the morning was just so wonderful after last night's scary dream. He lay there for a few moments longer relaxing in the peacefulness of it all, when finally it was broken by an angry shout from Gaz.

"DIB! Get your lazy ass down here NOW!" The shout came from the kitchen, which meant that Gaz had probably found out that the last of the Count Coco Fang cereal had gone. She would most definitely blame Dib. He frowned, still curled up in his tight bliss ball. He stayed like that a moment longer, before he uncurled and flopped wearily off his bed. He quickly got dressed and, with his eyes still half shut he wandered down the stairs. He slowly turned the corner into the kitchen.

"Yea, Gaz what is it AGHH!" Dib jumped to his feet, wide awake, as he saw the peculiar sight. Gaz was standing with a look of pure fury on her face, she was holding onto a hand crushing it with her sisterly wrath. The hand was connected to a very thin, kneeling Irkin with strange combination of pain and surprised respect on his face. Suddenly the entire night rushed back to Dib and he realised that his dream was reality. Sideos glanced at him with those spooky eyes and smiled slightly.

"I love your sister. She knows how to torture someone good." Gaz crushed the hand even harder causing Sideos to cry out in pain.

"What is this still doing in our house?" Dib stood too shocked for a moment to even respond before the look on Gaz's face brought him round.

"Err...well...he arrived last night...you know...with the bang and such...I kinda forgot he was here" Gaz would have strangled Dib for an answer like that, but since her good strangling hand was busy she let it fly.

"Look, I don't care about it, just don't let it go near me, or my things, or my life. UNDERSTAND?" Dib nodded quickly. Gaz turned an evil glair to the squirming Sideos. "What about you? Understand? Do not come near me." Sideos turned to look directly into her eyes, and Dib saw something cross Gaz's face for a moment. Something he had never seen her do before, she flinched. Sideos grinned that crazy little grin and answered in his most charming, and sinister, way.

"Of course, torture human Gaz, stay away from your things. Got it." Gaz looked into those weird, mad eyes for a moment longer, before letting go and stamping out of the room. Sideos rubbed his hand slightly, before standing up and stretching his arms out like he wanted to give Dib a hug.

"So, what's on the menu for today Dibtify? We gonna kill Zim nice and slow like?" He wiggled his blade claw and closed an eye as he said this, his voice filling with mischievous joy, making Dib wonder if he really wanted to drag out Zim's death. Dib tried not to look into those eyes as he spoke.

"Well, no." Sideos looked like Christmas had been cancelled. His face turned to a terrible anger. Dib stepped back a few paces as Sideos's eyes filled with a psychotic hate.

"What? WHY NOT?" He began advancing on Dib, his claws held close to his chest and his back hunching over like a predator about to pounce. Dib tried to stand his ground.

"We have to go to skool. You can...dispose of him later. I want to at least get some evidence off his existence before...you know." Sideos filled him in.

"We kill him."

"Err yes." Dib was slightly disturbed. Even for an assassin Sideos was very blunt in the way he spoke about killing. He knew that this Irkin was insane, but if he seemed well enough to be an assassin and not be locked up then he must be ok. Maybe it was just his job getting to him, like a soldier becomes desensitized about war. That must be it, he hoped. Dib didn't care about Zim actullay Dying, he was more concerned about weater Sideos could actually be trusted. How far can you trust a madman? He changed the subject quickly.

"Look, if you're coming into skool with me, you better get a disguise or the other kids and Zim will recognise you." The prospect of this 'skool' seemed to vastly improve the thin Irkins mood.

"Really? I can go to your skool? We can have lunch together and eat sandwiches and be best buddies right Dib-wrinkle? He clicked his fingers and in a flash had one arm round Dibs shoulder squeezing him tight, with a big, almost wicked, grin on his face. Dib felt nervous to be near those strangely stained zipper teeth and the blade fingers were cutting into his shoulder slightly.

"Sure, sure whatever, lets make you a disguise."

Later on, Dib was walking rather reluctantly alongside a human looking Sideos. Dib had used a hologram-projection over him; he now had pale white skin with rather messy shoulder-length black hair. Dib had also tried to hide the strangeness in the eyes but had failed, making them dark purple, but human, pupils. Sideos, however, was having a whale of a time. He had his eyes closed and was humming what Dib assumed to be an Irkin marching tune to himself, while smiling like a happy dog. Dib had never seen someone so looking forward to going to skool. He sighed and decided to, once again, go over the facts of his skool arrival.

"Ok so just once more, you're my cousin from England, right? You're here as part of an exchange student program, right?" Sideos stopped humming to answer the little boy beside him but kept his happy face. Dib was thankful that the clear 'assassin' Sideos wasn't present in his eyes right now; it made them easier to look at.

"Sure, sure exchange humans mission got it. YOU just make sure to point out Zim for me okay doky, cousin Dib?"

"Please don't call me that." The slight insult went straight over the mad Irkins head.

"Okay doky cousin Dib." Dib shuddered, slightly out of fear, slightly out of annoyance. Sideos was a killer, and a mad one at that. He might as well let him get away with it. Gaz had walked ahead. Dib assumed that she may have taken the 'I love your sister' comment to heart. He sighed again, the things he does for earth. Because of Sideos's height Dib had been force to place him in the 8th grade. This worried him, as it meant he couldn't monitor and/or defend his actions during class. He just hoped that he wouldn't do anything crazy in the meantime.

Soon they were walking into the skool yard and Dib quickly scanned it, out of reflex, to find Zim. Strangely though he wasn't there. Usually Zim would have shouted something, or gone off on a loud rant about how amazing he was, but the yard was normal without him. Maybe even slightly quiet. Dib walked over to a nearby bench and sat down, Sideos copied the action watching Dib intently. Dib soon noticed.

"Can I ask what you are looking at?" the answer came in an unusually calm voice.

"Why does no other human sub-monkey sit next to you?" Dib rested his head in his hands and explained wearily.

"Because I'm crazy, that's why. Or at least they all think I am," and he gestured across the now busy yard. "Amazing how I'm sitting next to the very proof I need to disprove them all." Sideos faked hurt and went back into his usual, unusual, tone.

"Awww, poor cousin Dibby-Libby. Don't worry, I'll make sure that they never call you crazy again." He suddenly developed that sinister, evil, grin that Dib had seen in the lab and he flexed his blade-claws. Dib noticed that the 'assassin' had re-appeared in his eyes. He quickly leaped in front of him holding out his arms.

"No! You can't kill them! I mean, they're idiots, but you still can't kill them." Sideos looked confused, like not killing idiots was a foreign concept.

"Why?" Dib spoke, panicking at the quickly disintegrating patience in Sideos's face.

"Because they're just kids?"

"And..."

"They don't know any better!"

"So?"

'You'll be spotted by the police and you'll fail the mission..." Sideos looked annoyed but reluctant.

"Really...What if I just take out one or two of em?" His eyes jumped with glee at the prospect of killing children. Dib took a mental note never to anger the Irkin assassin.

"NO" Sideos looked like he was considering killing Dib right there but then he relaxed and sat back down, like nothing had happened.

"Fine, then. So where is the Zim defective unit?" That was something Dib was wondering himself. Surly Zim had also spotted the ship last night, why did he not come to rescue Sideos? Maybe he knew that he was being hunted. Maybe the reason he wasn't here was because he had already got off of the planet. Dib sat back down deep in thought. Sideos began humming the marching tune again, this time swaying and bobbing slightly to himself. A few minutes later, the skool bell signalled the beginning of the classes. Dib turned sharply to Sideos and with all the command he could muster in front of the maniac's eyes he told him.

"Now, please don't do anything...suspicious. Zim isn't here yet but he will be soon, ok?" Sideos eyed Dib suspiciously for a second before shrugging and walking towards the skool.

"Okay doky, cousin Dib."

Dib sat fidgeting in his seat. His mind was racing with worries. _Where's Zim? What's he planning? What's Sideos doing now? Please don't let him do anything stupid_. Miss Bitters had been droning on about the digestive systems of slugs in her twisted attempt to gross out the kids for about an hour. She was about to move on to the final stage of the process when a young female teacher stuck her head round the door. She had long brown hair and small glasses on.

"Err Miss Bitters? Could we just have Dib for a moment?" She sharply turned her head clearly annoyed at the intrusion.

"Why?"

"It's a family matter, I'm afraid." Dib thoughts turned, _Family matter? What's happened to Gaz?_ He hopped off his chair and began walking towards the door, slightly glad to be away for the final bit of Mrs Bitters' lecture.

"It's ok, Miss Bitters." She grunted reluctantly as she let Dib follow the other teacher out of the class. Once the door was shut the teacher began walking towards the stairs, but instead of going down like Dib expected, she walked up. As she did this she introduced herself.

"Dib? I'm Mrs Sovetsky. I teach music here." Dib just nodded and followed along.

"Well, today was the day I was teaching the 8th graders, and I'm afraid we have a problem with your cousin." Dib froze, literally, with one foot hanging in the air. Sideos. What had he done? He forced himself to speak.

"You mean Sideos?" The teacher turned around, raising an eyebrow to Dibs reaction.

"Yes, the one from England. Well, the problem is that he seems to have got a bit carried away with the listing part of the lesson." Dib unfroze and turned the corridor corner to hear a stream of loud crashes and the faint sound of classical music. Standing in a huddle outside the class was a scared looking bunch of pupils who, upon noticing the teacher, relaxed slightly. Dib walked, trembling at what he might see, to the classroom door and looked through. The room was a complete mess, guitars and drums and all sorts of instruments were strewn around. The desks also looked to have been smashed against the walls, and some of the posters had been torn down. Dib could see no one in the class and was about to turn away, when suddenly Sideos came flying at the desk with a chair in his hands. He smashed it down onto the desk breaking it apart. All this strangely happened in time to the music which, although familiar sounding, Dib couldn't name. As if she was reading his mind Mrs Sovetsky leaned down to his ear.

"It's Ludwig van Beethoven's 5th symphony. The moment he heard it he just started smashing everything up. He likes his classics, I assume?" Dib just nodded in disbelief. He slowly began opening the door. Sideos was now standing in the centre of the room. The music had quieted down slightly and Dib took the opportunity to approach him.

"Sideos? Err I think you should calm down and come out the class." Sideos snapped his head up and his eyes open. He had that crazy assassin look again. Dib knew that he had to handle this very, very carefully. Sideos spoke fast and slightly out of breath.

"That music! It was incredible! the power, the tones, the rise and falls. Amazing!" Dib nodded and held out his hands slightly, as if calming down a scared child.

"Yea, sure it was, Beethoven is the best. Now the song's ended, let's go outside, shall we?" He braved a smile to those psychotic dark eyes. Sideos, as always, grinned back.

"Oh no, Dib listen, it's not ended yet." Dib realised that the Irkin was right and the music climbed higher and higher into the final hit. Sideos slowly stood up. The music, combined with his dark look, made him look like something out of a nightmare. He slowly raised a clawed hand to Dib, and as the final crescendo came crashing repeatedly in, he launched forward with a chair leg clutched in one hand, the other free to swing to the music.

He began smashing the room apart and Dib dived behind the desk searching for cover. Suddenly it seemingly launched from the floor, and Sideos stood over him raising the chair leg above his head. Dib closed his eyes waiting for the blow. He heard it sail through the air, and for a moment his life flashed before him. But then the music ended. Slowly opening one nervous eye, he saw that the leg had stopped, literally inches in front of him. Sideos stood over him, shoulders rising up and down as he panted. The bell went signalling the start of lunch. He casually chucked the leg away and grabbed Dib by the wrist.

Smiling as if nothing had happened he said, "Lunch time, cousin Dib. Come on, get off the floor will you? You'll embarrass me on my first day." Dib, totally bewildered, allowed himself to be dragged off away from the wrecked music room and away from the terrified teacher and pupils.

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Ended at 2:39 am on New Year's Day! I've been out partying and boogying to ska music, yea go specials! I have a terrible cough and probably a throat and/or lung infection, boo. Zim will be here next chapter I promise, and Sideos gets a reminder of why he's here in the first place...from the person who freed him...its all going on in the next chapter I tell thee! Update: My fear of the Scorpio has gone, I strangled it.


	4. Its nice to have visitor's

Defects and Traitors. Pt 4

Posted on the forum of doom by Invader Sideos. Yesterday my IZ forum passed the magical 200 posts mark, making it the most successful forum I have ever made. It currently resides as the king of the IZ forums. I feel like I haven't written anything in ages but I was writing the end of the last chapter this morning. I'm becoming addicted to writing, and Half life 2. Next Wednesday I have a politics exam. Boo. My eyes hurt. I finaly got a notepad today! YAY. I'm working on a comic for the collage I go to, its all about the collage and collage life but all the ideas I get I have to keep writing on little pieces of paper now I've got a notepad I can write whatever I want when I want. Even Zim fic ideas!

I don't own Zim, or Dib, or a helicopter or a tank...

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Dib sat, still shocked at the experience in the music room. Gaz sat on one side of him, playing her gameslave and ignoring the taller 8th grader sitting on the other side of Dib. Sideos was eating a sandwich which dripped watery red sauce onto the table and was filled with what looked like raw meat. Dib sighed and slowly laid his head down onto the table, feeling 30 years older then he already was. Sideos looked over to him and held forward his sandwich.

"You want some, Dib-shift?" Dib didn't look up.

"What's on it?" Sideos looked at his sandwich as if mystified by the contents himself.

"Humm...Some heart, blood, stuff like that. Anything chewy I could pull out of that dog, anyway."

Normally Dib would have screamed, or ran, or threw up, but his brain had practically stopped feeling anything, so he just politely said, "No thanks." Gaz looked up, slightly interested and slightly grossed out by the dog sandwich conversation. She momentarily paused her game.

"Where did you get a dog?" Sideos grinned knowingly, showing the stained teeth that Dib hadn't had the stomach to cover up.

"I found it on a leash, tied to a post outside a shop. Do you humans always leave dogs hanging around like that?" Gaz's arm shot up, pointing to a crying girl two tables across from them, she sneered as she thought of the girl's misery.

"You see that girl? She lost her dog last night, anything you want to admit?" Sideos looked at her blankly before looking back to his sandwich. Then he grinned again.

"Do you think she would stop crying if I gave her my sandwich? I think the name tag is in here somewhere." Dib, still with his face on the table, shuddered at the macabre suggestion. He kept telling himself, _He's getting rid of Zim, he's getting rid of Zim, he's get-_

"HEY, DIB-STINK!" The familiar yell brought Dib flying up from the table. He had never been happier to see is old enemy. Zim stood on 'his' table looking annoyed. Beside Dib, Sideos narrowed his eyes, his grin disappearing off of his face. His sandwich fell apart as his blade fingers clenched and sliced through it like butter. Dib, however, was too busy racing over to confront Zim to notice.

"Zim, your time is near. This time I'm really going to-" Zim held out a hand and interrupted him.

"Did you know as well as I do that last night an Irkin craft entered our atmosphere and landed at your house? Well I knew that a rescue attempt straight away would fail, so I attacked your house when you were at skool!" Dib was shocked. What had Zim wrecked in his precious labs? He went to argue, but Zim stopped him again. Behind them Sideos began to slink towards the walls, razing his hands into attack position and arching his back like a tiger in the long grass. Zim, however, was seemingly blind to the new student and his quiet advances upon him.

"However, I could find no injured or dead Irkins, so that means only one thing, Dib-beast. You've sold them to the government!" Zim pointed a clawed finger at Dib, who just stared at Zim like he was an idiot. Shaking his head slightly he pointed a finger backwards to were Gaz was sitting.

"Look. The Irkin that landed at my house is there. His name is-" Zim interrupted again, he enjoyed doing that.

"I see no fellow Irkin. You talk CRAZY, Dib monkey"

"No I don't." Dib turned around, expecting to see Sideos still eating his horrible dog sandwich. However, only Gaz was still sitting down, furiously playing her gameslave. Dib panicked and began running round the lunchroom, trying to find the Irkin assassin. Zim stepped down off the table and walked, arms crossed, towards Dib. He raised an eyebrow and watched the human for a few seconds before, in the most passively insulting possible way, said, "Dib, what are you searching for? I don't think the downed Irkin will be under the tables." Dib spun round, about to shout at Zim, when he suddenly spotted Sideos. The assassin was standing right behind Zim, with his claws about to close around his neck. He had that horrible killer's look dancing in his eyes and he licked his lips in anticipation of tasting Irkin blood again.

Dib quickly realised that Sideos was going to kill Zim right in the middle of the lunch room. Dib pushed Zim roughly aside causing the smaller Irkin to fall to the floor, Dib in the same movement grabbed Sideos and raced out of the hall as quickly as he could. He darted into the boys toilets and threw Sideos onto the floor. He momentarily forgot that he was speaking to an insane assassin. His voice rose and he panted slightly, as he shouted at a surprised looking Sideos.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING? You could have killed him in the middle of the lunch hall!" Sideos raised a non existent eyebrow and spoke unusually calmly.

"That was in the plan, yes." Dib waved his arms about and advanced slightly on Sideos, who was still lying on the floor propped up by his elbows.

"I told you we we're going to capture Zim before you kill him!" Sideos's eyes widened in surprise and delight.

"THAT was Zim?" Dib was caught slightly off guard. He narrowed his eyes somewhat in confusion.

"Wait, you didn't know that was Zim? Then why were you going to kill him?" Sideos shrugged.

"He was annoying." Dib's mouth fell open in disbelief.

"He was annoying? That's it? And you were going to kill someone in the middle of skool, because they annoyed you..." Sideos grinned thinking Dib had got the point.

"Yes." Dib almost exploded with rage.

"YOU CAN"T KILL PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY ANNOY YOU!" Sideos again raised a non existent eyebrow.

"Why not?" Dib stepped right over Sideos now shouting into his face, all memory of dog sandwiches and blade fingers momentarily forgotten.

"BECUASE YOU"LL BE LOCKED UP, YOU MADMAN!" Dib seemed to be one moment standing over the Invader, then in the blink of an eye they switched places, except Sideos was holding Dib down with one of his blade fingers pressed against the boys throat. His eyes shone with evil anger and his face was so close Dib could smell the blood on his breath. It was obvious that Sideos was using great restraint to hold himself from flicking his finger and opening up Dibs windpipe. Dib realised that this was the first time he had ever seen Sideos angry, and it scared the hell out of him. A deep growl could be heard from Sideos's throat and those dark horrible purple eyes where narrowing dangerously. The side of his mouth twitched and reminded Dib of an enraged rottweiler. Sideos spoke in a low but furiously angry voice.

"Don't you ever tell me about being locked up. Do you know what's it's like to be strapped into place and treated like your nothing for 60 years? To have food forced down you, to be injected and tested on like a defective? I know, I know exactly what it's like. How could I, an Invader who destroyed all the enemies he encountered, be treated like that? I should have been honoured; I even saved them the effort of the orbital sweep by personally razing the enemies' homes into the ground, one by one. I expected them to honour me, but they locked me in that cell for 60 years. Traitors...traitors...and defects, all of them. No mercy for the enemy, no love for the Invaders heart, only death or conquest."

Dib felt him lean closer to him, he was trembling in fear. He closed his eyes away from the hate in the ones that looked at him, but even with his eyes shut tight Dib could still see them. Looking at him, boring into his mind. Making sure he would never forget them and the horrific insanity that danced within them. Sideos whispered into Dib's ear, pressing his finger ever so slightly harder against Dib's neck. He could feel his skin itching to break at the cold claw.

"You're lucky we shook hands on me not killing you, Dib, because for that little outburst I most certainly would have done. I'm a psycho, don't forget." Sideos kept Dib just a little longer on the floor, making sure that the message had got through before standing up and letting a quivering Dib scramble backward to the nearest wall. Dib was looking at Sideos with pure terror, he knew that he could no longer trust him. He felt like he had made a pact with a demon, with no way out of it. Sideos spoke with harsh finality.

"I'm going to kill Zim and you're going to help me. Whether you like it or not." He cocked his head slightly and grinned sneeringly. "Ok?" He turned and strode out the door leaving Dib standing, wondering if he would live to see tomorrow's sunrise.

The rest of the day went without a hitch. Zim had been annoyed at Dib pushing him over, but that was about it. Sideos had strangely not been persecuted by the headmaster for destroying the music room. Dib suspected that this was mainly out of fear of the psychotic new student. Sideos had continued to act like the bathroom encounter had never happened, but Dib was sure on the way home that the taller Irkin occasionally cast sneering glances at him, as if to make sure that Dib stayed in his place. Dib made sure to keep the Invader occupied by showing him the most violent and blood filled game he could find. Of course the insane Irkin was immediately hooked, although every now and then Dib could hear him shout things like 'His head wouldn't burst that way in real life,' or 'why are there no lung ripping attacks?'

Dib slunk off to his room. He had to think of a way to get rid of Sideos. Shake or not, he knew that the Irkin would eventually kill him. It was only a matter of time. He considered contacting Zim to warn him, but he doubted weather Zim would listen to him. Zim never listened to anyone. He then thought about contacting the swollen eyeballs and seeing if they would come and capture Sideos, but he realised that the homicidal Irkin would most likely kill them all then proceed to kill him. It seemed that there was no way out. Anything he thought of would fail, simply because Sideos was prepared and perfectly able to annihilate anything that challenged him. The only chance he had would ether be to trick him into going back or, to somehow disable him. Suddenly Dib came round from his deep thinking to realise that everything was unusually quiet. Gaz had gone out for the evening to buy a new game and Professor Membrane was still working as usual. He should have been able to hear Sideos's loud shouts and yells from the game console, but that had died. Dib, as quietly as he could, opened his door and peaked his head round. Sideos was gone from the couch and the game had been paused. He was no where to be seen. Dib crept down the stairs. Fighting Zim had taught him how to move as quietly as a mouse when called for. He strained his ears trying to pick out any sound above the usual house sounds.

Nothing, then something.

So faint he almost missed it, but it was there. A very quiet talking coming from below the house. In the lab. Dib moved to the stairs and down to the lab entrance. The talking got louder. It was definitely Sideos, but there was another voice. This voice sounded strange, it was obviously disguised. It was deep and slightly mechanical sounding, but it had a definite underlining ring to it. Dib knew it from somewhere, but where? He opened the lab door ever so slightly and he began to pick out the conversation more clearly.

"Well, it's nice to hear from visitors isn't it?" Sideos' darkly casual, almost cruel voice rang through clearly. Dib turned his head to see him, out of disguise, talking to the largest screen. However, the screen only showed a dark silhouetted figure, most definitely Irkin. He could see no definable features and the voice cover didn't help ether. The manner in which it spoke, however subtly shocked Dib. He had never heard speak anyone to Sideos like it before.

"Quiet, you. This line could be being monitored and I want no one to know that I'm talking to you, let alone dealing with you." Dib could almost see the dark twisted smile.

"Too high and mighty to be dealing with the insane, are we?" The screen Irkin's eyes narrowed.

"Have you done it yet?" Dib could only see Sideos from behind, but by the way he straightened up he knew the assassin was scowling to himself.

"No, the Dib-squilchy has been helping me find him. I still don't know why you didn't give me a picture, or something."

"No items are to be taken to the maximum security wing, remember? Especially the psychotically insane wing." The screen voice chucked insultingly and Sideos audibly growled at the fact that he couldn't take revenge on it. Dib just held back a gasp, Sideos wasn't an assassin. He was an escaped, or seemingly freed, psychopath. He had been dealing with a homicidal psychopath! Strangely the truth didn't seem that far fetched. The screen voice went back to its demanding, familiar, tone.

"So you have been using Dib? He is not like the other humans, you should not underestimate him."

"He suspects nothing. Well, he knows I'm insane, but he thinks I'm an assassin or something. Poor cousin Dib. It's going to be such a shame when he finds out the truth." His tone was almost genially regretful, but Dib knew that Sideos meant none of it. His voice suddenly became more light and persuasive. He leaned forward on the keyboard and twisted his head a little.

"It would be faster if you gave me the codes to re-activate my PAK abilities..." The screens voice turned angry and Dib saw the silhouetted Irkin move forward in response.

"NO, the deal is you kill Zim and hand me the earth, I give you the PAK codes and send you on your murderous way. UNDERSTAND?" Sideos backed away.

"Why do you even want this dirt ball? The inhabitants meats are too chewy and their blood is overly oxidised. Not good for eating." The screen Irkin and Dib both cringed in unison.

"My reasons are my own, psycho." Sideos shrugged.

"Fine, I will deliver Zim tomorrow. Just be sure to bring me my codes. I have a score to settle with that sanction planet." The dark murderess way he said that caused Dib to shiver. He had almost experienced the wrath of Sideos himself. He didn't want to know what he would do to his old prison.

"Make sure that you do, and you'll be impaling people on your mech-legs in no time." The screen Irkin laughed and Sideos chuckled along. Dib was sure the screen Irkin meant it as a joke, but Sideos was probably looking forward to the gruesome suggestion. The screen cut out and Sideos turned around and began walking towards him. Dib went to move away as fast and as silently as he possibly could. However, he suddenly tripped on the top stair and landed with a loud thump. His head turned to see the shadow of the mad Irkin on the wall of the lab stop, then it began its predator like advance. Swiftly and as silent as Dib himself. Dib knew that if he didn't think of something he would be dead. He suddenly stood up and tried the most suicidal thing he could think of.

"HEY, SIDEOS? You down there?" The shadow stopped. He could tell it was just outside the door. He was considering his next move. The Irkin stepped into the entrance and Dib could tell by the way the eyes darkened and the antenna flatted low on his head, that his mind, for once, was concentrated on Dib. On what he might have heard.

"Yes, oh wonderful cousin of mine, I'm here." The psycho, for once, didn't smile. Something Dib noticed he did a lot of.

"What you doing? I came down for a drink and I saw the gamestation paused." Dib kept his voice as innocent as he possible could. It seemed to work, as Sideos slowly began to form a grin, the antenna beginning to lift up. But the dark purple eyes remained thinking.

"I was looking for something to eat. I though I may have had some stuff leftover from the ship...seems I didn't. Ahh well, more dog for me then."

Dib made no disguise of his disgust and turned away, with one thought on his mind. I have to stop him, even if it means keeping Zim.

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AGGG this chapter is WAY too big! It's so big it's horrible! I decided to give my OC an entrance tune, why? BECAUSE I'M MAD! The theme tune is the Misfits-Scream, perfect for him don't you think? BTW this chapter is basically reminding you that Sideos is a psycho…he's been acting a bit to nicely nice for the last chapter. But I think he acts too intelligent even in this one. AGGG the troubles of writing for an OC.


	5. All will be revealed

Shaved into the passing punks head by Invader Sideos. Ok I have 5 days till my next update. I can write this in 5 days...no problem...I don'thave writers block...nope not me. Ok I don't think I have writers block, I've just been very very distracted this week what with all theskanking and my amazing new project and the skanking. Whenever I came to write this I just coulden't. It was hard, I know what to write butmy fingers just wont type stuff. BUT I HAVE 5 DAYS! So I should be cured soon. I know LUDWIG will help me write.

I don't own Zim. Place witty comment here

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Dib rolled over muttering in his waking-sleep and instinctively reached out to get his glasses from the side. He squinted his eyes against the sunlight streaming through the windows, and it didn't help that his glasses weren't on his desk like usual. He suddenly felt them being handed to him. Unthinking, he put them on, still with his eyes half closed against the light. He sat up, muttering a drowsy thank-you.

However he jumped at the horribly cheery voice that answered him. "You're welcome, cousin."

Rubbing his eyes, Dib quickly turned to see two large dark purple orbs staring intensely at him. He shifted himself back towards his window and banged his head on the wall as he did so. He scowled at the slight pain, and as he was rubbing the back of his head he saw the thin Irkin stand up from the desk chair he had been sitting on.

Before he could begin to speak, Dib cut in, sounding quite annoyed. "How long have you been there? All night?"

Sideos bit his lip in a childish smile and nodded. "Yup, we've got to make an early start today. For Zim it's armageddon time, and before you ask it's the earthen day of Saturday where you all get a day off from that wonderful skool place." Dib almost laughed at the suggestion, wonderful skool. But as the memories of last night came back he realised that he would be saving, not killing Zim.

"Look, just let me get dressed first. Then we can. . . plan out an assault on his house or something downstairs ok?"

Sideos rubbed his hands together at the prospect of an 'assault'. "Ok, Dib-fink." he stood aside and waited.

Dib stopped rubbing his head and raised an eye brow. "Err, can I have a little privacy please?"

Sideos looked to him, and then the clothes, then back to Dib before he got the hint. "Oh right, humans like privacy don't they?" The Irkin proceeded to walk out of the room, leaving Dib feeling like today was not going to be a good one.

Dib walked into the kitchen. Gaz sat at the table, with Sideos sitting un-disguised next to her. She looked very peeved that the weird Irkin still hadn't left yet. For some odd reason, there was a silence around the room, like everyone knew that something bad was going to happen. Dib hopped up and poured himself some cereal. He waited a few minutes for someone to say something, but no one did. Not even Sideos said anything; he just sat there bridging his fingers patiently, monitoring every movement in the room. He seemed much more paranoid today then usual.

Gaz also seemed to notice the grim feeling in the air, and it was she that first spoke up after several slow-passing minutes. "What's happening today that's got you all like this?" Neither Dib nor Sideos answered her straight away; Dib wondered why Sideos had not begun bragging about what he was going to do. He seemed very distracted, even for him. Finally Dib spoke up "Err we're finally sending Sideos off home. Gonna be sad to see him go and all..."

Gaz, if possible, narrowed her eyes even more. "Yea right" Sideos began to tap his razor sharp fingers on the table rapidly in some sort of bad tune, he then began to bob his shoulders to the song in his head, and Dib began to wonder. What exactly had driven this Irkin to insanity? Especially a homicidal insanity. All the Irkins he had ever met apart from Zim all seemed reasonably sane, and from what he had learned from Tak's ship, most of what made up the mind of an Irkin resided in their PAKs, so something must have happened to it. Maybe some sort of computer error? If so, had the same thing happened to Zim but on a less critical scale? Dib finished his cereal, musing over the quirks of the Irkin's insane behaviour. Sideos noticed this. The moment Dib dropped his spoon into the empty bowl, he almost flew towards the door in his giddy killing glee.

Dib only just stopped him before he bounded outside. "WAIT! We have to form an assault plan remember?"

Sideos's antenna lowered as the idea of a plan dampened his mood. "Oh...But I...Kill...Ok" He sighed defeated and, letting his arms slump to his sides, he followed Dib into the labs.

While in the lab, Dib began to put his plan into action. He had decided that Sideos would still be vulnerable to water, so he would simply make a water compound that would knock him out. When they got to Zim's house, he would simply wait until he was in the lower levels with enough good photos of him to prove the truth of alien existence then spray the substance on him and, hopefully with Zim's help, send him back to where he belongs. He had thought of simply knocking Sideos out while he was in his own house, but he realised that

1: That would just make Zim believe that he had captured Sideos and Zim would rescue and release him, and

2: Sideos looked like he could rip through any holding equipment in Dib's lab, and his dad had taken the holding table away. He sighed. If only Zim wasn't as stupid as he was, he would realise he was in great danger. But since he was, it looked like Dib would have to do this alone. He had just finished perfecting the knockout chemical and was placing it in his water gun when he heard a massive crash behind him. He face went stoic as he turned around and Sideos hopped up from behind a tipped table. He had several acids all over him but amazingly he just brushed them off and growled at them.

Dib's eyes widened and the Irkin noticed. He smiled grimly. "We Irkins are very tolerant of acids, it's alkaline we can't handle"

Dib nodded at the useful tidbit before raising an eyebrow. "Why did you fall over the table?"

Sideos looked back to it with anger, and a rather unnerving growl. "It taunted me. . . BLOODY TABLE! DIE" He lunged at it in his moment of madness and began to rip the table to shreds with his bare hands, working quickly and savagely. By the time he stopped, all that was left were splinters and smashed glass. Dib looked at it with images of what could happen to him flashing through his mind. He shook them out and walked over to the large-screened computer, bringing up a flash diagram. It was crudely done but it served its purpose. It had two little pictures of Dib and Sideos, a picture of Zim's house and Zim inside.

Dib turned around to see Sideos stamping on a peace of wood, he sighed tiredly. "Sideos, pay attention." The Irkin snapped to attention like a soldier.

"Sir."

Dib rolled his eyes and began to explain the 'assault'. "Ok this is what's going to happen. You are going to distract him by the front door, here, while I sneak in through an open window, here" and the little faces moved to the door, with Dibs traveling through a crudely drawn window "There you will say that you are the downed Irkin coming for some help."

Sideos nodded, apparently understanding. Dib stopped for a second, and then said. "What are you to do again?"

Sideos smiled happily. "Rip down the front door and tear his guts out"

Dib closed his eyes and clenched his hands tightly in annoyance. He quietly decided that it would be better simply to move on. "Ok after he lets you in, I jump out and surprise him, we grab him, and knock him out. Then after I get some photos of you and Zim…" he paused for a second, weighing his question.

"You won't mind if I take some pictures of you without your disguise will you?"

Sideos looked at Dib in wonderment. "Will I be on TV?" Dib nodded, and Sideos clenched his fists tightly in victory thrusting them into the air. "YES! Take all you want, oh big-headed cousin of mine!"

"My head's not big!" Dib quickly composed himself again. "Ahem, yes. Anyway after I've got the pictures you can do your job. By the way, who sent you to kill him?"

Sideos childishly made a zipping motion across his mouth "Sorry Dibbles, I can't tell ya. It's all part of the job description, top secret, payer's confidentiality and all that jazz."

Dib simply replied. "Oh, right then." _Payer's confidentiality my arse,_ Dib thought sneeringly to himself. "Ok, so do you want me to go over the plan again?"

Three hours later, two figures appeared on the cusp of Zim's cul-de-sac. Dib with a steely determination in his eyes, and Sideos in his disguise, rubbing his clawed hands together with a sickening glee. They began to advance onto the house. Dib walked up the path with Sideos. His theory of the garden gnomes being reluctant to fire on an Irkin, even with an enemy in tow, surprisingly worked. Dib stood to the side of the door as the humanised Irkin rung the doorbell. Dib watched with an ill feeling in his stomach as Sideos's eyes narrowed and his lip curled, as if he could already see the bloodshed he would soon be causing.

The door opened slightly as Zim stuck his head round cautiously. He had his wig and contacts on, and an obviously careful look on his face.

"Yesss. . . What do you want odd purple eyed human?" It may have taken three hours, but Dib had finally convinced Sideos to play his role and not go in guns, or in this case claws, a-blazing. When the taller Irkin spoke, he was surprisingly convincing. Dib was reminded about how easily he had been fooled by him.

As Sideos began to talk in that twistedly casual way of his, Dib slipped silently through the open window and into the house. He quickly dived behind the couch. "Zim, comrade, fellow Invader, my Irkin brother. I am Invader Sideos. I crashed in some kid's back garden and was held hostage, but I escaped and I've come to you looking for a simple way back to our beloved Empire."

Zim narrowed his eye, with a remarkably similar look to Sideos and said. "Irkin? Empire? I don't know what you're talking about, silly human of meat and hair."

Sideos removed his disguise, and Zim jumped with shock. He grabbed the taller Irkin's shirt and dragged him inside. His voice was panicky and his eyes darted round as if looking for anyone watching them.

Because of this, he didn't see the sudden change in attitudes and the beginning of a psychotic dance in Sideos's dark eyes. "What where you doing? The stink-beasts could have seen you. I tried to rescue you, you know. The Dib must have hid you pretty well for my AMAZING rescuing abilities not to find you. I--" Zim would have carried on, but Dib jumped out from behind the couch. Despite Dib knowing that he would be saving his enemies life today, he still couldn't suppress the victorious grin that was plastered on his face.

His voice was determined and matched the joy on his face "We've got you now Zim! Prepare to meet your maker!"

Zim gritted his teeth, and his face twisted in anger but suddenly snapped to looking confused "Meet my maker? You mean the birthing pod?"

Dib lost his momentary determination. "What? Wait, you don't understand. I. . . Oh, Sideos, just knock him out, please."

Sideos closed his eyes and smiled turning to Dib, raising a fist above Zim's head. "Okey dokey cousin Dib!" and, without even looking at the smaller Irkin, smashed his fist down upon Zim's, head knocking him out instantly. Dib was quietly surprised at how easily the taller Irkin had done that, especially since he was so thin and weak-looking.

He shook it off and grabbed the now floored Zim's foot. "Come on, I know the way to the labs, we'll get some pictures there"

Behind him, the Irkin maniac narrowed his eyes at his 'cousin' and grinned evilly.

"Lead on, cousin" They crossed into the kitchen and took an elevator down into the first lab they could find. Luckily, it also had large computer somethings, which Dib took full advantage of.

He asked Sideos to tie Zim down onto a table, while he began copying any files he could to a memory stick he carried with him. _Well, I might as well take the opportunity while it lasts, _he thought.He was about to turn around to face Sideos, his camera in hand, when suddenly he felt like a brick was smashed onto his head. He instantly blacked out.

Dib groaned. He felt like his head was being crushed by a truck. He tried to move but found that his arms, legs and torso were strapped down tight. He opened his eyes, and the world came swimming into focus. He saw that large strips of metal covered most of his body, which was why he couldn't move an inch.

He mumbled under his breath "So much for the good situation." Luckily he could still look around the room with some ease and found that he was still in Zim's labs. Looking to his left he saw Zim wide awake glaring forward at the main screen.

Zim turned to notice Dib awake and harshly whispered, "Look what your lackey has done now, Dib." His eyes were filled with anger at both Dib and the taller Irkin. Dib looked forward and saw the screen beginning to flicker into focus. He could just make out a figure on the other side trying to get through. Sideos was typing away furiously at the keyboard, but it was clear that he had very poor technical skills.

Dib could just hear his voice above the rising and falling sound of static "Bloody crappy machine. I HATE it." He glanced round to check on Dib and almost went back to the computer before he noticed that Dib was awake. Spinning round on one heel, he stalked over to Dib, his hands behind his back and a much too large grin on his face. His silhouette against the screen made him seem almost stick thin, and it brought out those

horrible eyes even more; however, Dib had began to get used to looking at them. Sideos's grin fell just slightly as he leaned right over the boy and Dib didn't look away.

The Irkin's voice was sickly sweet, but dripping horribly with commanding malice. "Cousin Dib? Can I ask you a favour? You see, I can't get this message through, and since were so close and all, can I trust you not to try and escape if I let your hands free to fix it?"

Dib decided to go along, playing on Sideos's apparent fondness of him. "Sure cuz, just wheel me over there."

At he sight, Zim screeched out insults. "WHAT! He's going to kill you, you pathetic Dib human! He ties you to a table and you still help him and not me! I HATE you!"

Dib ignored him. If he could get his hands free, he could get to his water pistol.

Sideos chuckled behind him as he pushed the table up to the keyboard "Oh, and forget about the gun Dibness, I didn't think you would be needing it for much longer anyways." Dib's heart sank in his chest. Without the water gun and the knockout chemical he was defenceless.

A flick of a switch and the bars holding Dib's hands to the table vanished. He immediately tried to break off his other bonds, but they wouldn't budge.

Again Sideos chuckled cruelly "No can do little cousin. They can only be deactivated from behind."

Dib growled at his helplessness in the situation and reluctantly began typing. It didn't seem to have occurred to the mad Irkin that Dib knew less about Zim's computer system then he did, but Dib had had some practice with Tak's ship and so after a few minutes the screen began to clear much more. Soon it came through perfectly and a silhouetted Irkin appeared on the screen. This time when it spoke, it had no voice masking and was identifiable as a female.

"So you finally got into his base and disabled him and Dib. Nice work, Sideos." Dib's mind spun as he tried to connect the familiar voice to a face; however Zim had done it for him.

"TAK!"

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Yes thats right FOOOOOLS! MUHAHAHA! I'm cutting it off right here just to annoy you all. Actullay its because if this was any bigger it would be seriously to big to even think of reading. Also I posted 'I am the Enemy' after letting it sit on my P.C for almost a half a year and I got 3 reviews in 1 night. A new record. Next update soon...I hope.


	6. Financial problems

AGGG the nightmare of writing endings! GRRR I HATE THEM! Ahem anyway here it is. Hate it…I do. Hopefully the edited version will be better. So…much…editing.

I don't own Zim…Recon Santa could give it to me as an x-mass prezzy?

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"TAK!"

Dib eyes widened as it all came crashing in. The wanting of earth, killing Zim, the disguise, everything suddenly fell into place. Her image cleared and slowly she came out from the shadow, she hadn't changed a bit. Her eyes were that same purple colour, although nowhere near as sinister as Sideos's. Her clothes still matched her eyes and her skin was still that old green colour. She was also wearing a horrid new smile.

Zim shouted angrily from his table on the other side of the room, directly behind Dib. "I can't believe you would sink this low to get my mission. I knew you where too stupid to be an Invader, but dealing with criminals is a new low for you." Sideos was about to growl out an answer but, Tak cut over him.

Her voice was filled with a rage that spoke of many years and much humiliation at Zim's hands. "SILENCE! You don't know how much I've been looking forward to this, Zim. So many years waiting for this moment. My only regret is that I won't be killing you myself, but that's the genius part. You see, if I killed you my PAK would register the crime and I would be hunted down and jailed, my mission taken from me forever. But If Sideos here kills you," and the aforementioned Irkin grinned evilly and began to scrape his razor claws together, making the sound of two rusty nails rubbing against one another. "It won't mean a thing. He's killed more then me or you could ever do. He is already on the run for murder, so what's one more going to do for him? And if that happens to be a defective Irkin on a planet I was just so happening to arrive on, then all the better for me."

Behind Dib, Zim grimaced in disgust. However, while all this talking was going on Dib's mind was racing for a way out.

Zim, oblivious to Dib's mass planning, shouted back. "Then why did you go to the trouble of releasing an imprisoned homicidal Irkin to kill me? Why not just pay some bounty hunter? Or are you too poor and out of work to afford one?" Sideos turned to the screen at this, apparently quite interested to know himself.

Tak drew herself up slightly as though the answer was completely obvious. "My financial situation has nothing to do with this. I released Sideos because I needed someone who had no interest in money, or material rewards. Any other bounty hunter would have demanded a lot to be paid to kill an Irkin invader, even if the one in question was a defect. All Sideos wanted was to get out of that cell. And what's another insane Irkin in the empire?"

Surprisingly, it was Sideos who spoke next, he grinned slyly and bowed slightly as he taunted his partner in crime. "Oh come on, admit it. You love me really, don't you?" He erupted in an evil cackle as Tak began shouting various insults at him. Zim began screeching in his annoying nasally tone and the room was filled with the sounds of the three Irkins. However, Dib stayed silent, his eyes shut tight as he begged his mind to come up with an escape plan. Suppressing the urge to speak his thoughts out loud like normal he talked to himself in his own mind.

_Ok, my hands are free, but the other release switches are out of reach on the back. _

_Then what are you going to do? Sideos has got the K.O chemical _

_Ahh, but he doesn't know it's a K.O chemical..._

_That's a good point. But what are you going to do? _

_Zim could free me. _

_Zim's right behind you. And his hands are still tied down._

_Well, my hands are free...maybe..._ Dib's eyes shot open as the answer revealed itself to him. He marvelled for a moment amongst all the noise at his own genius, before shouting over the alien crowd.

Dib's voice was proud and defiant, something that shut the three Irkins up straight away. "Sorry I have to do this, Sideos, but I'm not going to let you hand over my planet to an invader who could actually win." Zim loudly shouted something angry, but Dib ignored him.

Sideos grinned, unaware of Dib's plan. "Sorry about what, little Dib-Dib?"

"This." Dib grabbed the keyboard and pushed against it with all his strength. The whole moment in time seemed to slow down.

Dib gritted his teeth as the table flew across the room, Sideos's mouth dropping open in surprise, Tak screeching in shock and Zim screaming as the back of the table slammed into him. However, as his head connected with the switches on the back, the straps that held Dib in place vanished and Dib hit the floor with a thud.

Suddenly, the world zoomed back into normality and Dib picked himself up gingerly. Sideos just gaped at him in disbelief and only when Tak shouted at him did he snap back into the real world. "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? GET HIM!"

Sideos just turned and nodded like it was nothing, his voice void of action. "Oh, ok then," But when he turned back to Dib his eyes danced with evil insanity and a twisted, much too large grin appeared on his lips. He raised his hands to his chest, ready to pounce.

His voice didn't hide that fact that he was lying. "I'm sorry to do this, Cuz...but I want my PAK back to normal and if that means you have to go...then that's just bad luck for you." Dib did the wisest possible thing to do when faced with a maniac. He turned and ran, faster then he had ever run in his life. Sideos turned his head as Dib fled, and he laughed, apparently amused by Dib's sharp exit.

His voice rang dawn the halls as Dib ran, mocking and deadly. "There's no point, Dib! Nobody has ever escaped me before and I doubt you will be the first. Run, run as fast as you can Dib, and hide. Because in thirty seconds I'm coming to find you. Thirty...twenty nine...twenty eight..."

Dib took the psycho's advice and ran through as many rooms and corridors as he could, but all the time he could hear that deadly countdown.

"...seventeen...sixteen..." It never seemed to be far away which scared Dib even more then the fact that he was being chased by a homicidal alien. All the time his eyes looked everywhere for something to help him fight back, but he could see nothing except endless testing equipment and holding pens. Suddenly, he turned a corner and almost ran into the wall blocking his path.

His eyes darted 'round as he began backing up, whispering in his panic ridden voice "A dead end! No, this can't be, no way! I...No..." Then, his eyes fell on something, so out of the way he almost missed it. Quickly he took advantage of what could quite possibly be his last chance to save himself.

"Three...two...one...zero." Sideos' evil voice drew out the last number. Dib shivered in the vent he had packed himself into. The vent was tiny and so hidden beneath the wires that covered the walls he had almost missed it. However, he could see clearly out through the metal casing covering the entrance. On the wall he saw the shadow of the thin Irkin rise slowly as he approached. It seemed the Irkin had followed him every step of the way.

More and more it climbed, until it reached its pinnacle point and Sideos himself walked past the entrance. Dibs whole body froze, except his heartbeat. He could feel it pumping faster and faster, as the Irkin began to look around the dead end for any trace of his 'cousin'. For a few moments that was all the world seemed to be, just the maniac standing at the entrance to the grid and Dib, stiller then the walls around him, inside. Finally, Sideos turned around and the shadow fell away slowly. Dib, however, stayed unmoving for a few more moments before, like a fox out of a hole, he moved to the entrance. Silently, he removed the grid and poked his head out. He could just see the maniac's shadow fall from the far corner of the corridor. Sighing with relief, he decided it would be best if he stayed in the vent. He replaced the grid and began to crawl further down the black tunnel.

As he crawled, he felt the tunnel rise and soon he found a stream of light, coming from a grid on the floor of the vent. Dib crawled over and looked down, realising that the vent had taken him above the rooms and he could now travel anywhere without the risk of Sideos finding him. He had a sudden brainwave and, after some extensive crawling, he found himself over the room he was looking for. The armoury.

Dropping through the grid, he landed with a slight thud in the middle of the armoury. He smiled victoriously at the weapons that were strewn around him and suddenly, Sideos didn't seem that scary.

He chose his weapons carefully, making sure to pick only the stun weapons. Despite his hatred of Sideos, he knew he couldn't kill him. Eventually, he decided on a long staff-like weapon that, once he found the on switch, glowed at the ends. As he tasted its weight in his hands a sudden crash behind him caused him to almost jump out of his skin and bring the staff 'round ready to fight. However, his eyes widened when he saw what it was, and he thanked his lucky stars.

He began walking, or rather sneaking, back towards the main room. He had been in Zim's base enough times to find his way around and so he quickly got back to the entrance of the main room. Peeking 'round the entrance, he spotted Zim, still tied to his table. Sideos was standing in front of the screen with Tak shouting at him.

Her voice screeched with rage. "You LOST Dib? YOU IDEOT! You're SIDEOS! You're not MENT to LOSE people! I thought you were the BEST!"

Sideos smashed his hands down onto the keyboard in anger, and even Tak flinched from his rage. "QUIET, FEMALE! Dib's good for a kid of his age...you even said so yourself. He'll show up sooner or later, SO JUST SIT TIGHT!" He shook his fist at the glaring Tak and bared his teeth in anger.

She slumped back in defeat and said rather huffily "Fine...You can get rid of Zim in the meanwhile." Zim suddenly began panicking and started pleading with the taller Irkin. "What? Wait, I'll leave if you want. Don't kill me...I'll destroy you if you do!"

Sideos turned 'round with an evil grin on his face and a dark light in his eyes. "Tak, make sure those codes are ready, I'm going to show you quite a display." He began advancing on the very scared looking Zim.

From Dibs position he began to consult himself over his next move. "Ok, now before you do this Dib think about it. You could wait until Sideos has killed Zim to jump out. But that would mean Tak would come here and Sideos would get his PAK codes. But then you could fight Tak. But then you may have to still fight Sideos." He turned and saw Sideos was almost on top of ZIm now. He rolled his eyes and cursed himself. "I carn't belive I'm going to do this..."

He was just standing over him with a claw raised menacingly over his head when a suddenly, Dib's voice rang out across the room. "Sideos, this time I'm really going to stop you. I thought you were going to get rid of one menace, but it seems like you were just going to replace it with an even more deadly one." Tak made something of a half smile, half grimace on the screen.

Sideos almost slid away from Zim to the centre of the room. He arched his back dangerously and shifted into a fighter's stance.

His eyes locked onto Dib's. "You made a big mistake, cousin. You could have got away, I honestly didn't want to kill you, but it now seems I'm going to anyway." His mouth sneered perversely. "I'll savour your insides when it comes to eating them."

Inside, Dib squirmed at the thought, but he steeled himself further and prepared for the inevitable attack. The whole room fell silent as the two squared off. Even Zim watched in fascination, as the two warriors waited for the signal to start. Suddenly, Sideos snapped forward, his hand held to the side of his head, as he lunged. Dib jumped and rolled away, as the Irkin stabbed his hand forward at a frightening speed. Dib recovered quickly and turned, swinging the electric staff at him. Sideos leaned back as the ripples of electricity missed him by inches.

He stabbed down at Dib's head which made Dib jumped back. However, Sideos immediately followed up with a second swipe at Dib's face. Dib dodged as quickly as he could, but he wasn't fast enough. He landed back with three long cuts on his face. He scowled as he felt the blood begin to swell and run across his cheek. Sideos licked his razor claw.

"Tasty." He licked his teeth then charged at Dib, but the boy was ready.He stabbed the staff forward, knocking Sideos' attack of balance. Before the Irkin could recover Dib swung again, aiming for Sideos' body. The Irkin dodged the attack, but the staff clipped his arm, sending a jolt through him. He jumped back, shouting loudly and clutching his arm.

Lifting his hand, he looked worriedly at the blackened scorch mark on his sleeve. He then looked haltingly at Dib, who smiled and said coolly "How tasty is it now?"

Sideos roared in anger, lunging at Dib and for a short time the two exchanged blows, Sideos getting shocked whenever he was knocked off balance and Dib getting cut whenever he wasn't fast enough. Eventually the fight paused, Sideos with his back to Zim and Dib with his back to Tak. They were both panting heavily, but Dib still held the staff towards Sideos and Sideos still held his fighting stance.

The Irkin grinned and narrowed his psychotic eyes. He sounded tired, but he also sounded deadly confident. "You can't keep me back forever. You're just a kid...I'm a highly trained Irkin invader. You won't win, you won't defeat me, you wont send me back to that...place." Dib smiled and then began to laugh. Sideos's eyes widened in surprise and he relaxed his stance slightly. "What…what is it?"

Dib stopped laughing, but he smiled widely. "I won't need to, look where I am, Sideos." The mad Irkin suddenly realised exactly what Dib had been doing.

He had taken him away from the keyboard.

Behind him, Zim looked puzzled. "What? What's going on? Tell ME!" Sideos's eyes narrowed, his voice dripping with malice, but it was underlined with a subtle panic. "You wouldn't...I would rip your arm off before you could even call them...and you don't even know how to call them."

Dib smirked and held one hand over the keyboard "One, I know enough about this system to call the police here and two I'm going to get a little helper to distract you."

Sideos would have cocked an eyebrow if he had one "A little helper?"

Dib grinned and shouted as loud as he could "GIR!" Suddenly Sideos crumpled to the floor as a little silver and green blur fell from the roof and onto his head.

Gir grabbed the sides of his face and yelled joyously "You like pigs, moose man?" Gir then grabbed his long antenna and yanked him off the floor.

Sideos screamed in pain and flailed about, trying to get the robot demon off his head. Zim just looked on, amazed that Gir was helping for once.

He shouted to his robot slave, half angry that he was helping him, but half relived that Sideos hadn't killed him. "GIR! What are you doing?"

Gir looked over to his master from the top of the screaming maniac's head. "Dib said this guy had cookies and muffins! I like piggys!"

Tak looked on helpless as Dib began franticly contacting the Irkin police. She shouted at him as he did. "Curse you, DIB! I always thought that you'd be the one to mess this plan up!"

Without looking up he simply replied "It's my job."

She panicked slightly, then a sly grin grew across her face. She looked over to a flailing Sideos who was still running around screaming. "Well, you're on your own. Tough break, Sideos. Better luck next time."

"BITCH!" His scream ripped though the labs as Tak's laughing face faded from the screen.

Zim shouted over from his position on the table. "Can you not track her?"

Dib looked up slightly from his work as he typed in the last co-ordinates. "I can't, she blocked the signal. She's got off scot free, I'm afraid."

"I know not of this 'scot' you talk of? Who is he and why is he so free?" Dib resisted the urge to bang his head on the nearest wall.

He turned to see Gir jumping up and down on Sideos' thin body, screaming "Bouncy castle, bouncy castle!" Dib strode over confidently and picked up the small water pistol that lay on the floor besides the tortured Irkin. Sideos went to make a grab for it, but Gir wrapped his arms round him, locking him in place.

Sideos growled at the robot's tight hug, then to Dib. "Dib, if you do anything to me I promise, I will kill you."

The trapped Irkin tried to dent his words with terror, but Dib looked him straight in the eye and said "You're going back to that cell where you belong."

Suddenly, Dib faltered, not because of Sideos' anger, or rage, but because there was something new in his eyes. Fear. "Please, don't send be back."

Dib levelled the pistol at Sideos and pulled the trigger. He had never felt so horrid in his life.

An hour later, Dib watched as the Irkin police dragged a still unconscious Sideos into the back of a small looking hover van and chained his arms to the walls, locking them in place with an eye scan. The Irkin police had been surprised at the hairy alien helping them, but when it came to this particular criminal, any help was grateful. As the ship flew off, Dib looked up at the sky. He had forgotten while he was underground in Zim's lab, that it was still daytime outside. He leant against the wonky fence of Zim's house, letting the sun warm his injured body. His mind drifted onto the crazed Irkin's last comment. He had almost pleaded for his life and Dib felt that he had sentenced him to death. However, something told him that he would see Sideos again one day, an Irkin like that defiantly follows up on his promises.

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AGGGG this took me so long to write and it's HORRIBLE! I hate ending things, its just so...annoying. And hard. And sad. Boo hoo. Anyway flick to the epilogue to read of poor Sideos' fate.


	7. Any last words?

Invader Sideos log star date 123456: Ever notice that I never told anything from Sideos Pov? It was almost all from Dibs. I like writing for Dib but I think you should all get to have a glimpse into the way Sideos's mind works. So here you go.

I don't own Zim. So screw Nick about this one.

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Slowly Sideos' eyes flickered open. Immediately he went to move his arms, but he found they were chained to the sides of whatever he was in. He quickly took stock of his surroundings. He was chained to the wall of a police ship. A low security police ship. It was small, compact. He could see in front of him one guard and guessed that the other was driving the ship. He moved his feet and found that these were not chained down. He noticed that the two guards were talking. _Good, guard one is distracted, find lock, disable lock, escape chains. _Turning his purple eyes around the van he was pleasantly surprised to find that the lock was on the wall not far from him. He looked back at the guard.

"Hey, did you hear about that black ship attacking Devastis?" A muffled reply came from the cockpit. However, the guard must have heard, as he replied. "Yea, I heard the boys back at Irk are pulling their antenna off trying to find out who's flying that thing." Another muffled reply. "Flown by defectives? Naaa, It's gotta be some alien resistance or something. Defectives are too stupid to openly attack the Empire like that."

Sideos eyes narrowed. _He seems stupid, he will be easy to trick. I'll show him what a real attack looks like._

He jump-kicked into mid air launching himself off the wall slightly, as he went to kick the security lock. The chains loudly clinked together as he did so and he immediately captured the guard's attention. The guard smiled and walked over to the trapped Irkin. However, as he did, Sideos noticed that it was an eye scanner, and a new plan came to mind. He looked at the guard; this Irkin was well built with red eyes and short antenna. He took a guess at the size of the guard and inwardly finished the final touches of his plan.

The guard leaned forward so that he was only inches from Sideos face, Sideos could smell his rancid breath and he could see his yellow teeth as he talked. "You awake, psycho-boy? Good, cos I wanna ask you a few things."

Sideos's eyes narrowed, his voice filling with angry hate. "What would you like to know, o doomed guard?"

The guard was too stupid to realise that this was a threat and carried on like he was talking to some small child. "Why do you go and kill so many people? You must be pretty defective to do summut as stupid as that."

Sideos smiled and, controlling his rising anger, carefully answered. "To show that I am the most dangerous being in the universe."

The guard smirked. "You're not so dangerous, not without your silly claws anyway."

Sideos' eye and antenna twitched slightly in annoyance and his grin began to quickly turn sinister "You see, that's the mistake most people make."

The guard looked stupidly confused. "What mistake?"

Sideos leaned forward, braving the guard's rancid breath. "Thinking that I'm only dangerous with my claws. All of me is dangerous." He leaned forward slightly more and made sure to lock the guard in place, as his insane rage invaded his dark eyes. "Even my feet."

Before the guard could even react, Sideos swung his legs up around the guard's neck. He then twisted his body towards the eye scanner. The guards head smashed against the wall just above the scanner. Sideos growled and twisted his legs again, aiming the guards head lower. His head smashed just below it, causing some blood to appear on the wall. Sideos rolled his eyes and tried again, this time the guards head hit the eye scanned and the machine short circuited. The chains suddenly snapped open and Sideos landed gracefully crouching onto the floor of the ship.

His head cocked slightly as he muttered. "Not exactly according to plan, but good enough."

He slowly turned his head to the cockpit where the terrified pilot had watched the whole thing. Sideos moved at lighting speed towards the door, but the guard moved quicker and shut the door before the insane Irkin could get there. Sideos turned back to the body of the now unconscious guard; he dragged it over to the closed cockpit door.

From the other side, the small guard sat in terror, as he heard the sickening sounds of his friend being torn apart.

At one point, he looked though the small reinforced window, but all he could see was blood. Blood painting the walls, the chains, everything. He could see something moving amongst the gore, a thin figure ripping things out of a mangled heap on the floor. It turned to look at him, those horrible purple eyes standing out so darkly amongst the remains of his friend. He dived down with his back to the door, muttering terrified gibberish to himself. He was like that for a few moments, before a sudden tapping behind the door almost make him jump out his own skin. It was like when a tap was left on dripping, so regular, so omniscient, so final.

Slowly, a voice followed the tapping; it was merciless and filled with a terrifying glee. "Do you hear that? That's the tick tock tick tocking of your death. It's your time, little guard, come. Come to you demise. End your torment and fall to freedom from life itself."

The guard threw up at the side of himself. The voice chuckled, as it could hear him from behind the door. "Do you know what the most hilarious thing is about you guards? You all carry keys with you. Makes it a whole lot easier for me, I can tell you." The door began to open and the guard scurried back away from it. He grabbed his pistol from his belt and began franticly trying to load it, but his hands were shaking so much that he couldn't even hold the weapon properly.

The door creaked open, slowly, so very slowly. The light shining from the red hell from behind the door caused the guard to freeze, he couldn't breath. He gulped his breaths; every part of his body was failing to respond properly.

The only words that came from his mouth where. "No...No...No..."

The stick thin figure, silhouetted against the bright red behind him, stood in the doorway. The remains of the last guard dripped from his razor claws and were strewn across his mouth. Those insane, hellish, purple eyes stared at the shuddering guard speaking everything for him.

You're going to die.

Sideos reached out and darkness overwhelmed the guard forever.

Sideos rested his feet on the ships dashboard, leaning heavily back into the pilots seat. He brushed his hands together like one would do after finishing a particularly hard job.

He looked at his claws, inspecting them, almost, as he casually said "So, what happens now?"

He turned to the skeleton of the almost-meatless guard sitting on the co-pilot seat to his right. After a small moment of silence he turned back to looking at his claws again. "Bah, not much of a talker, are you?" He looked again and laughed shortly to himself. He then leaned forward, taking his feet off the dashboard and replacing them with his elbows. He bridged his fingers and looked out of the windscreen into the eternity of space.

For a moment he simply looked out and then a voice spoke up from his mind. _So, what does happen now?_

Another, sounding exactly the same answered it. _Let's return to earth and teach dear cousin Dib a lesson. _

Another answered back, again sounding the same as the others. _Why? There is nothing for us there. We must go and find Tak. We should get our codes off her._

There was a sudden agreement between the voices. Then Sideos himself spoke up. "No."

If the voices had faces they would most likely of been furious, that was the sound of them in his head. _No? NO? Are you mad? Scratch that, are you stupid? We need our codes, we must go and find Tak._

Sideos looked forward at nothing and narrowed his eyes. "I said no. I want see the universe before I take revenge on anyone. I don't want to risk going back in that cell again and have only you guys to talk to for another sixty years. And by you guys, I mean myself. Myself to talk to for another sixty years? No way."

One of the voices spoke up. _It doesn't matter; we are on the run now so we must keep travelling. However, we should keep an eye out for Tak. Just in case, mind you._

Sideos nodded, responding to his own voice. "Then I am decided, I run from them. From the law and travel as far as possible, while keeping an eye out for Tak?" The voices whispered between themselves, before they collectively agreed. They faded away, leaving Sideos alone again. He looked back up at the universe from his little stolen police ship. "So where to now?"

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The end. Thank you all for reading and you wonderfully kind reviews. I hope you like the ending. No Sideos is not going back to earth, not for a long time anyway (Hint at possible sequel). Why did I let Sideos escape? Because now he can go anywhere he wants, even to YOUR IZ-verses. He's going to be showing up in an awful lot of strange places and meeting an awful lot of strange people in his travels I can tell you.


End file.
